Brawl McCartney #88

Born during the blitzkrieg, not the German one, but the one the cops dropped on the underground the hippie gangster drug ring that ran London during the 60s, Brawl came into the world ready to fight. Named after the singer who stiffed her dope dealing granny on the money for a dime bag, Brawl's penchant for stabbing and searing earned her a scholarship to the Margaret Thatcher School for the Violently Gifted. It was behind this school's dumpster while having a smoke, she met Maggot McGowan (guitar), Douchebag Debbie (drums, syphilis) and Scary Alice Demler (bass, Miss Canalfest'73)and went on to form the seminal post mod band Snatchsquatch. Brawl's complete lack of musical talent was more than made up for by her aptitude for crotch kicking. Brawl's crotch kicking style was ahead of its time and several kicks she invented are still used today such as the "Das Boot", "The Lady Maker" and "Meat Raffle!"

Sadly, Snatchsquatch disbanded in the early 90s due to Douchebag Debbie's untimely death and the public's lack of interest in getting kicked in the balls. While Maggot McGowan reinvented her persona as a middle aged dowager with a cooking show on the BBC, Brawl McCartney spiraled into a depression filled with rage, booze and kicking strangers. Partly to blame for the demise was Brawl's lack of math skills which led her to sell her rights to the band's music catalog to McGowan for 400 lbs of potatoes. Lack of reading skills are also to blame. And also booze. Enraged at her once close friend's deception, Brawl attempted to burn down Maggot's house but was quickly subdued and sentenced to 5 years in jail.

While cooling her heals in prison, Brawl volunteered for an experimental rehabilitation program that was meant to channel her rage. A local charity, Our Lady of No Mercy, donated sporting equipment to the prison which included old school quad skates. At first Brawl put them on in hopes that the skates would make it harder to kick people in the danger zone. But what she discovered is that it made it easier to hit people and get away fast. And even better, it was legal. While in the clink, Brawl reconnected with her old school chum Scary Alice Demler who had been at the prison investigating the charity that was rumored to be a front for recruiting radical anti-dairy activists. Scary Alice convinced Brawl to come to Western NY when she gets done serving time and said that "its like its still 1987 and everybody there wears mullets and listens to Snatchsquatch. You'll love it and you can live in my basement until you get back on your feet." In 2007, Brawl finished her sentence (two years were added on for bad behavior) and she was drafted by the Devil Dollies. Hold on to your nuts, Buffalo; This Union Jack is Pink and Black!

www.myspace.com/brawlmcc