Smile E. Coyote #143

Once upon a time, in the American South West there lived a beautiful young girl who had everything she could ever want. Her family was loving. Her friends were friendly. And because of her blessed days she always wore a cheerful and warmhearted smile. So she was nick named Smiley. Unfortunately, Smiley’s blessings caught the attention of the most notorious folks in all of Texas, The Cheerleader Mom’s.

Threatened by Smiley’s charms, the Cheerleader Mom’s abducted, beat her and in the middle of the desert, left her for dead. Smiley was nursed back to health and taken care of by a rout of coyotes. Smiley grew older and stronger, all the time learning the coyote’s ways. Eventually the coyotes came to realize that Smiley belonged with her own kind. So one night, the pack led Smiley to and left her at the only human dwelling they knew of out there in the isolated desert.

Smiley was left at the home of the reclusive Dr. Mortimer Zem Acme, a former Cold War military weapons inventor. Dr. Acme took Smiley in and slowly she learned again how to be human and most importantly, how to smile. She smiled because she and Dr. Acme fell deeply in love. Life was blissful for them until one day while enjoying an evening stroll through the park they were ambushed by a pack of mutant roller skating road runner assassins. The road runners were trained and employed by the Cheerleader Moms and sent to finish off Smiley once and for all. The Dr., in an attempt to save his love, charged the road runners and activated one of his secret inventions killing himself and laying to waste so many square miles of land that today are known as Houston. Smiley was distraught by the loss of her lover and injured by the blast. She made her way back to the late Dr. Acme’s desert residence and in pain and distress collapsed against the fireplace mantel. A hidden lever built into the mantel was triggered and the wall opened revealing a secret lab. The lab held every weapon and invention Dr. Acme had ever created. Smiley found explosives, flying suits, a ray gun (which, according to the instructions, could turn an entire town’s population into auto mechanics named Ray), an atomic kitchen towel and rocket propelled roller skates.

Slowly a smile began to grow across her face. Only it wasn’t a warm inviting smile. It was a devious, half-crazed smile as she plotted her revenge. And at that moment, the darkest, most misunderstood, anti-hero was born with only one single purpose in mind. That purpose was to rid the world forever of the ravenous cheerleader mom gangs and there mutant assassin road runner lackeys.